I’ll admit it—I used to have a love-hate relationship with cruising. My first cruise? A total nightmare. There I was, sweating in an endless embarkation line, just praying I’d make it to my cabin before sundown. And don’t get me started on the pool situation—chair hogs had draped towels every day over every lounger. And gratuities? I was never sure what was going on there. But I soon learned that experience is the best teacher. And after a couple of cruises and painful mistakes, I finally cracked the code.
It turns out that the key to loving cruises is knowing insider hacks. Some cruising tips I learned the hard way—like setting a budget and planning at least one port day onboard to enjoy peace and quiet. Other tricks come from seasoned cruisers who’ve mastered the art of navigating cruise ship chaos.
Do you want to avoid the rookie mistakes many first-time cruisers make? Or maybe you’re in the “hate cruise” camp for the same reasons I was? Don’t fear—I’ll share my top hacks to ensure your next cruise vacation is unforgettable for all the right reasons.
Beneath the Surface of Dream Cruises: It’s Not Always Smooth Sailing
Glossy cruise line brochures would make you believe a cruise is about luxury, relaxation, pampering at sea, and exotic locations. And yes, you can have that cruise experience.
But for many, the reality of cruising can hit like an unexpected squall. You feel like you were promised endless bliss; instead, you’re pacing around the pool, looking for a lounger and paying for over-the-top drinks, with gratuities slapped on top. And to top it all, you feel like the cruise line’s upsells are trying to rip even more off you.
In saying that, cruising is definitely my preferred type of vacation. Why? After learning how to navigate cruise ships, I enjoyed unforgettable experiences. There’s something special about spending days at sea if you can skip the crowds, know when to eat at the buffet, and avoid cruise ship rip-offs.
I’ve realized that, when done right, cruising is the perfect blend of luxury, relaxation, and adventure.
16 Things I Hate About Cruising and My Top Hacks to Beat Them
I hated my first cruise so much that I thought I’d never book another. Unfortunately, cruising isn’t always the dream vacation the brochures promise. Thankfully, I didn’t give up and learned the top hacks to beat cruise frustrations.
Embarkation and disembarkation chaos: A cattle-call nightmare
Getting on board my first cruise felt like getting herded onto a cattle truck. I remember vividly standing shoulder-to-shoulder with other sweaty passengers in a snaking line. I thought I was never going to get on board. I agreed with one fellow who said it was worse than airport security.
One cruiser said: “Boarding and leaving the ship are the two worst parts of cruising, and what makes it worse are elevator hogs, line cutters, and people who don’t wash their hands.” Another commented about disembarkation, “I hate leaving my luggage outside my room for hours on the day before disembarkation.”
Now, I avoid the embarkation and disembarkation madness with a few simple hacks. I pay extra for priority boarding, check-in online, and arrive at the ship before the crowds. Another trick is to opt for self-assist disembarkation. You take your own bags off and skip the chaos. So, timing is everything.
Further reading: 15 Things Smart Cruisers All Do On Cruise Embarkation Day.
Unsupervised kids turning the ship into a playground
I hate cruising when school’s out—it can sometimes feel like stepping onto a pirate’s ship during a mutiny. And speaking to most cruisers, unsupervised kids running riot is a widespread dislike. I’ve seen it all—from cannonballing the pool and turning it into a splash zone or pretending to be Usain Bolt in the corridors.
I have two strategies to ensure a kids-free cruise. First, book with an adults-only cruise line like Virgin Voyages or Viking Cruises. You’ll also find that small luxury cruise ships are virtually child-free. Second, book a cruise during off-peak seasons when prices are lower, and kids are at school. Bliss—apart from, of course, adults who cannot behave onboard.
One fellow passenger told me they always book Mediterranean cruises in the early fall. During September and October, few families are on board, and the weather is still pleasant. Another cruiser suggested booking longer cruises of eight days or more as families avoid these voyages.
Chair hogs: The poolside battle for loungers
Chair hogs are the bane of every cruiser’s existence. It’s so annoying on cruise ships that you arrive early at a deserted pool only to find all the loungers reserved.
One early morning jogger told me about their amusement as they jogged the track at 5 a.m. What did they witness? Bleary-eyed passengers, hair sticking up and stumbling over chairs as they reserved their spot for later in the morning. Come on—five in the morning!
I usually avoid the main pool deck and head to quieter places on the ship to enjoy the sunshine. I buy a spa pass for a few occasions when I want to spend time in the pool. Some cruise lines, like Celebrity Cruises and Royal Caribbean, have adult-only retreats that are usually quiet.
Thankfully, chair hogs also annoy cruise staff. One cruiser suggested, “Just report those empty, towel-covered chairs to the staff—they’ll usually clear them out.”
Rude passengers who think the rules don’t apply
Rude, self-absorbed passengers seem intent on making everyone else’s life onboard a misery. I’ve seen it all—from cutting in buffet lines to hogging elevators and being ignorant to staff. One cruiser lamented, “Some of the rudest people I’ve met have been on cruise ships.”
Do you want to avoid rude cruise passengers like avoiding a reef in stormy waters? First, I never confront anyone displaying obnoxious behavior. Getting into a fight is a surefire way of getting kicked off a cruise ship. I also avoid the buffet at peak time and always take the stairs if possible.
One cruise passenger gave top-notch advice, “Head to quieter areas of the ship if things get too rowdy. And if someone oversteps the line, report them to security. I don’t want anyone ruining my cruise vacation.”
Overcrowded pools and hot tubs
I remember gently strolling up to the main cruise deck midmorning on my first cruise, hoping to take a dip. What did I find? The pool was packed like sardines in a can. And the hot tubs? Forget it—the kids thought it was their private splash zone. One cruiser joked, “Sharing the hot tub shoulder-to-shoulder felt like human soup.”
The best advice I got from sensible cruise passengers was to go early morning or late evening for swimming. A game-changer was buying a spa pass—it was worth every cent to turn a stressful cruise into a sea of calmness and tranquility. Adult-only retreats also tend to be devoid of crowds.
Constant sales pressure: A never-ending upsell
One of the things I hate about cruising is how cruise lines seem hell-bent on emptying your wallets. From pricey spa treatments to salesy seminars, “professional” photos, and over-priced jewelry, there’s a constant gnawing at your purse strings.
One passenger summed it perfectly: “The trend of nickel-and-diming is tiresome. I feel like I’m running the gauntlet in an expensive mall. It’s supposed to be relaxing and fun, not non-stop stress to avoid pushy salespeople.”
I always go prepared on a cruise to avoid high-pressure sales zones. Usually, politely declining sales pitches works. If you decide to get a spa, be prepared for the expensive beauty product upsell at the end. You’ll usually find the same products cheaper ashore if you really want them.
Onboard spending spirals out of control
I detest that cruise lines give the impression that you can expect an all-inclusive extravaganza. However, the reality is that only basic items—food, standard tea and coffee, activities, and accommodation—are included. But all the lovely extras you dreamed about are expensive add-ons.
Unfortunately, you can lose control of onboard spending as fast as a ship capsizing in a violent storm. Items for which you’ll pay premium prices include specialty restaurants, gourmet coffees and teas, spa treatments, alcoholic drinks, sodas, and yoga sessions.
To drop anchor on your spending, focus on free onboard activities and set a spending limit before you board. If necessary, prepay extras by purchasing a drinks package, spa treatments, and specialty dining venues.
Gratuity confusion: A hidden charge surprise
You should always factor gratuities into your cruise price. Like them or loathe them, cruise lines use them to supplement the pittance they pay most staff. However, the automatic gratuities added onto purchases like spa treatments, individual drinks, and other premium amenities—typically around 18% to 20% depending on the cruise line—can feel like a cruise ship rip-off.
I always prepay gratuities when booking my cruise to avoid a nasty surprise when I get my final bill. I also plan for tipping individual crew members who are especially helpful, especially the cabin steward. So, I always pack enough small bills for tipping.
Helpful advice came from one fellow cruiser. He strongly recommended finding out the cruise line tipping policies to avoid tipping double on drinks in the bar. If you’ve got a beverage package and paid for gratuities, there is no need to give an additional tip.
Want to avoid paying gratuities altogether? Book a cruise with Virgin Voyages, Azamara, or Regent Seven Seas—these lines include gratuities in the fare. MSC Cruises, on the other hand, typically charges gratuities unless there’s a special promotion that includes them, so make sure to verify their policy for your specific sailing.
Poor buffet behavior: From sticky fingers to chomping food in line
Sometimes, going to the cruise ship buffet really gets under my skin because of the poor behavior of other passengers. It seems that rudeness abounds everywhere when people are hungry. You’ll see it all—picking up food with fingers, cutting in line, eating while in line, and coughing or sneezing into their hands.
One cruiser summed it up perfectly: “It’s a free-for-all—people pile their plates like it’s their last meal and act like they’re the only ones in line.” Another described seeing someone eats with their fingers, lick them, and pick something from the next tray. One passenger told me he saw one passenger act as if the buffet would soon run out of food.
To avoid buffet mayhem, I usually arrive at off-peak hours for a more pleasant experience. I’ll also plan some evenings in the main dining room. Some cruisers complain that the buffet food is consistently below par anyway. After all, the ship’s kitchen cannot produce gourmet food for thousands of buffet-goers daily.
Slow, expensive WiFi that barely works
Paying for a WiFi package that’s as slow as sailing the doldrums is hugely frustrating. You can pay more for the internet for seven days than you pay a month at home. And don’t expect super-fast broadband speeds either. One cruiser said, “It’s like paying for WiFi in the Stone Age.”
Now, I try to manage my expectations. I’ve found that purchasing a third-party eSIM data plan is cheaper for cellular and data connectivity in ports. For days at sea, I plan a digital detox. I found that lowering my expectations leads to less frustration on the ship.
Group shore excursions: Hurry up and wait
Cruise shore excursions can feel like relentless waiting in line to disembark, get on the bus, and wait for latecomers. A frustrated cruiser said on one cruise, “By the time we got moving, the day was already half over. The slow pace seemed to suck the life out of the day.”
On the positive side, I found that booking cruise ship excursions has some security. First, you get priority disembarkation. And the ship will wait for you if the excursion is late returning to port.
These days, I usually book private tours through respected online tour operators. I’m also in the habit of disembarking the ship early and exploring the port city before arriving at the excursion departure point. Another tip? A seasoned traveler suggested, “If you want to do a group excursion, go for the smaller, specialized ones. That way, you still get the experience without the sluggish pace of large groups.”
Thin cabin walls
The thin cabin walls were an unexpected surprise on my first cruise. You wouldn’t believe what I’ve heard on cruises—everything from doors banging to arguments and intimate shenanigans. One cruiser laughed, “I didn’t even need a wake-up call—my neighbors did the job for me.”
The simple solution is this: pack earplugs or noise-canceling headphones to avoid being in the audience to your neighbor’s bedroom antics. Another cruiser suggested, “Pick a room in the middle of the hallway to avoid noise from elevators and stairs.” With some foresight, you can get the peace and quiet you deserve.
Subpar cabin amenities: Single-ply toilet paper and cramped spaces
Unless you pay for a mid-range to luxury stateroom, expect a cabin that is more downscale than motels in your hometown. I hate that basic cabins on cruise ships are cramped, with barely enough room to move. And don’t get me started on the single-ply toilet paper. One cruiser lamented, “For me, the cruise bathroom experience could test the patience of angels.”
If you can afford it, I’d suggest opting for a balcony cabin to enjoy the best views, fresh air, and extra space. A cruise passenger once told me, “I always bring a few real rolls of toilet paper for a little home-from-home comfort.” Another great tip is to bring higher-quality toiletries, especially if you’ve booked a cheaper cabin.
Limited privacy and personal space
Sharing a floating resort at sea with crowds of people can make privacy hard to come by. One cruiser recently vented at the dinner table, “It felt like I could never get away from people—no matter where I went.” Another fellow passenger told me how their neighbor popped their head around the balcony partition to say “hello.”
To reclaim some space, I always book a balcony room whenever possible. Thankfully, I’ve never experienced neighbor intrusions like some cruisers. I also ask my cabin attendant about the lesser-known lounges or quiet corners of the ship.
However, a game-changer for my cruise experience was this: plan to stay on board for at least one or more days in port. You can enjoy an almost empty ship. Use the time to use the pool in tranquility, take advantage of discounts, and enjoy a slice of serenity.
Limited time at ports
Although I love visiting new and exotic destinations, I dislike the limited time cruise lines often give you in port. Depending on the itinerary, you may only have five to eight hours to disembark, explore, and return to the ship before departure. As one cruiser said, “Just when I was getting into the vibe of the place, it was time to rush back to the ship. It felt like a mad dash I could have done without.”
Now, I focus on one key activity or spot at each port instead of cramming too much. Another great tip? “Book excursions that prioritize free time so you can explore at your own pace,” said a fellow traveler. That way, you make the most of the limited hours without feeling rushed.
Hygiene issues
The lack of hygiene and cleanliness some passengers display is something I cannot bear about cruising. I’ve seen people skipping the sanitizer stations, handling food with their hands, or exiting restrooms without washing their hands. Of course, this happens everywhere. But getting sick on a cruise ship at sea is no one’s idea of a dream vacation.
One friend told me that on their last cruise, someone was coughing and spluttering at the next table. Needless to say, they got the flu and spent the rest of their cruise cooped up in the cabin. Another cruiser says they frequently get the 24-48 bug on cruise ships.
I always carry hand sanitizer and avoid touching shared surfaces as much as possible. Keeping your hands clean and being mindful of hygiene makes a big difference onboard.
In Conclusion
Whether dodging chair hogs, surprise gratuities, obnoxious passengers, or controlling spending, cruising is an adventure—just not always the one you expected. But with a few smart hacks, you’ll know how to escape to calmer waters when the storm of chaos hits.
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