Do you want insider tips on what cruise brochures are too embarrassed to tell you? Let’s delve into the taboo world of what really happens onboard. From cheeky codewords and balcony shenanigans to going buff and sneaking drinks onboard, this article has cruise secrets you never knew.
Are you “of age” and ready to explore the risqué side of cruising? If so, grab a cocktail, sit down, relax, and learn the naughtiest tips to make your next cruise an eye-opening adventure.
Adult Cruises: Know What You’re Signing Up For
Are you looking to book a cruise without kids on board or something a bit more risqué? In the world of cruising, the term “adult cruises” has two meanings. One refers to adult-only cruise lines where under-18s are banned. The other refers to specialist voyages like nude cruising or swingers cruises.
Cruise lines like Virgin Voyages, Viking Voyages, and Regent Seven Seas Cruises cater to people over 18. You can safely book these cruises free from the chaos of noisy kids running riot on the pool deck, cannonballing, and turning the hot tub into a splash zone. These cruises for adults let you enjoy the sophisticated, tranquil atmosphere without children on board.
But what if you’re after something more adventurous—clothing-optional voyages or lifestyle cruises? In that case, check out cruise companies like Bare Necessities, Bliss Cruise, Castaways, or Temptation Cruises. Onboard, wear as much or as little as you like while you “hang out” on the lido deck, getting tanned where you didn’t think was possible.
Just be sure you know the type of “adult cruise” you’re signing up for—after all, you don’t want embarrassing surprises that turn you redder than the buffet lobster.
Sunbathing in the Buff: Where It’s Allowed
Are you looking for a perfect all-over tan without pesky tan lines? Most cruise ships keep a family-friendly atmosphere and ban topless sunbathing. However, a few cruise lines have you covered—or rather, uncovered—if you want to go au naturel.
For example, Virgin Voyages allows topless sunbathing at the Perch on deck 17. Other cruise lines where you can strip off without stares include Costa Cruises, Celestyal Cruises, AIDA, and Hapag-Lloyd.
I read on several cruise line forums that some cruise lines have policies on topless sunbathing but are lax about enforcing them. For example, cruisers report that they’ve seen nudity on some Norwegian Cruise Line ships on the freestyle deck. Other women prefer to untie their bikini straps while lying on their stomachs.
However, regardless of the ship and cruise itinerary, you’re expected to keep your bits covered when lounging at family-friendly pools.
The Pineapple Code: Secret Signals at Sea
You’d think there couldn’t be anything more unassuming than a pineapple. But on board, it’s not just a tropical fruit—it’s a covert signal for those in the know. Have you noticed an upside-down pineapple decoration on a cabin door? Or someone wearing pineapple-themed clothing? It’s a discreet invite for more than a friendly chat.
Cruisers wanting “casual encounters of the intimate kind” use an upside-down pineapple to attract like-minded people. So, if you’re in the mood for more than small talk, keep your eyes peeled for the fruity signal.
However, if you prefer keeping things low-key, avoid pineapple-inspired gear—you may be sending out the wrong message.
Romance Without Interruptions: Tips for Privacy
Fancy some daytime romance while the ship is deserted? Keep in mind that housekeeping staff are making their rounds, and the last thing you want is a knock at the door at an intimate moment. To spare your blushes—and the cabin steward’s—use the “Do Not Disturb” sign to secure your private retreat.
Regarding noise, remember that cruise cabins aren’t exactly soundproof. And with a balcony door open, your bedroom antics could be the talk of the ship. So, when things heat up, try to turn the volume down unless you want to put on a show for half the ship.
Also, a romantic talk on the balcony at nighttime can go a long way. Be careful and keep the steamy details to whisper between the two of you.
Balcony Shenanigans: Not as Private as You Think
Have you booked a cabin with a “private” balcony? It can seem like the ideal place for intimate moments under the stars. But before you get too cozy, remember—the balcony isn’t as private as you assume. There can be gaps between the dividers and the floor or wall.
Another thing is that glass walls can reflect into the next-door balcony at night. With your lights on, curtains open, and your neighbor’s lights off, you might be putting on a private show. Also, sound travels further in the dark, and it’s not just the seagulls hearing your balcony shenanigans.
Keep the noise respectful at night, and you’ll avoid nudges and winks as you enter the buffet room for breakfast.
Keep It Discreet: Handling Bedroom Toys
Are you planning on bringing a little extra spice to your cruise? Bedroom toys are fine, but discretion is the name of the game. Of course, cruise cabins are your private sanctuary. But remember that housekeeping comes around daily. So, the last thing you want is your secret stash of romantic gadgets on display.
Perform a quick tidy-up before leaving your cabin for the day. Remember, cabin stewards remove items from beds to make them or change them. So, storing personal items in a drawer or toilet bag will prevent awkward moments.
Finding Love at Sea: Navigating Onboard Dating Apps
Are you hoping to find a connection beyond sunset cocktails and ocean views on your cruise vacation? Dating apps can be your ticket to romance, a fun night out, or a casual fling. However, swiping left or right on board can be tricky due to poor WiFi. If you have an internet package, loading matches could take longer.
The best tip for finding romance at sea is to check out the dating scene on embarkation day before the cruise departure. It’s a tip that most cruisers looking for romance know about. You can also use free WiFi hotspots ashore on port days to see who’s free and looking for some action.
Remember to check out the ship’s daily schedule. You’ll find the times of social events, singles meet-ups, and ways to meet new cruise friends.
Smuggling Booze: Risky Business
The extortionate cost of onboard alcohol and drink packages can make sneaking your stash onboard tempting. Thirsty cruisers have devised many ways of playing booze hide-and-seek—everything from filling shampoo bottles with liquor to investing in Rum Runner Flasks. But remember, smuggling hooch has always been a risky business at sea.
Before hiding contraband in your luggage, consider the consequences. Cruise staff know all the tricks of the smuggling trade. If you’re caught sneaking a “giggle juice” board, it will be confiscated. But depending on the severity, you could get fined or even kicked off at the next port. Suddenly, the thrill of a cheap booze doesn’t seem worth it.
What are the safer alternatives to becoming the 21st century’s answer to “Bill” McCoy—the famous rumrunner? Some cruise lines let you bring limited wine or champagne onboard. If you’re a drinking enthusiast, consider prepaying for a drinks package. It’s costly, but you avoid potential run-ins with security.
Drink Packages: Hidden Costs to Consider
Navigating various cruise line drink packages can be tricky. So always read the fine print about limits, the type of drinks included, and gratuities. For example, most alcoholic beverage packages include drinks up to a value of $14. However, they can work out cheaper than buying individual drinks.
Here’s another adult cruise tip for buying drink packages—consider your days on shore. You only get “all-inclusive” drinks on the ship. As soon as you disembark, you’ll pay for drinks out of your pocket. So you may end up paying for onboard drinks you never sip.
Know Your Limits: Onboard Drinking Ages
The great divide between the Old World and the New World isn’t only the Atlantic Ocean—it’s drinking ages. Cruise lines operating out of North America have a drinking age of 21. However, cruising in the Mediterranean and around Europe, it’s 18.
Some cruise lines have a strict 21-year-old policy regardless of where you sail. So before booking a cruise, check the ship’s policy on age restrictions for drinking alcohol. Otherwise, that poolside mojito cocktail could turn into a mocktail.
One cruiser from Europe said the drinking age restriction is a reason his 19-year-old daughter never joins them on U.S.-based Caribbean cruises.
Big Brother is Watching: Cruise Ship CCTV
Smile, you’re on camera in all public areas of the ship. Cruise ships are equipped with CCTV surveillance for your safety and security. So, remember that for “every move you make,” someone is watching. Whether it’s sneaking a midnight dip in the pool, sharing an intimate moment in a deserted lounge, or busting out your finest dad dance moves, you’re likely on camera.
What about cameras on balconies? In 2024, a TikTok video went viral when a user spotted a camera pointing at balconies. According to a CruiseOverload article, the placement and visibility of cameras depend on the cruise line and ship. However, it states that cameras don’t specifically monitor balcony activity (phew). But they can see balconies (aargh) to ensure safety and security.
The advice? Take precautions to ensure privacy, like drawing curtains when engaging in personal activities or changing clothes.
Public Fails: Don’t Become a Viral Sensation
So, you don’t want to become the next internet sensation? Remember that in the age of smartphones and social media, someone’s always ready to hit records. Whether it’s tequila-infused dance moves, thinking you’re Celine Dion at the karaoke, or getting into a brawl, you could be a few clicks away from being the next overnight celebrity.
Kid-Free Zones: Finding Your Perfect Cruise
Let’s face it: Moms and pops also want to enjoy the onboard cruise experience as much as their kids. So, if your idea of fun is a kids-free day, cruise lines have you covered. Cruise ships have kids’ clubs and supervised activities for children of all ages. So, you could head off to adult-only lounges, dining areas, or retreats like Royal Caribbean’s Solarium.
Don’t Flirt with Trouble: Avoid Hitting on Crew Members
Never think making romantic advances or flirting with cruise staff is a good idea. It’s their job to ensure your voyage is smooth sailing. However, they must adhere to a strict code of conduct regarding fraternizing with passengers. Simply put, there is no hooking up between crew and passengers.
Of course, cruise forums abound with stories of onboard romances, flings, or intimate encounters between crew members and passengers. However, if caught, the crew member is confined to quarters and deboarded at the next port of call with an airport.
Drugs at Sea: Beware of Being on the “High” Seas
Cruise operators have a zero-tolerance policy regarding illicit substances. Even if certain drugs are legal in your state or country, you cannot bring them on board. Getting caught smoking pot or taking CBD products on board could result in a quick exit at the next port or even legal problems.
Check before you pack—what could be legal on land could be a criminal offense at sea. So, the only high you should be chasing is the one from the top deck.
The Lowdown on Onboard Gambling
If you enjoy slots, poker, craps, roulette, and other casino games, there are a few things to remember. First, you can usually only gamble in international waters. So, don’t expect to be playing Blackjack on port days. Second, you may find games unique to onboard casinos. For example, the claw machine may grab rolls of cash instead of stuffed animals.
But it’s good to remember that, like landside casinos, the odds always favor the house. I’ve also read anecdotal reports that onboard slot machines pay out less than onshore casinos. And the golden rule of any casino—know when it’s time to walk away and stop chasing losses.
Crime Happens: Stay Vigilant on Board
Unfortunately, cruise ships aren’t immune to crime. So, the same safety precautions apply if you were on vacation on land. Keep valuables out of sight, keep an eye on belongings, and avoid dark, deserted areas.
Although everyone wants to have fun onboard, here are some sobering statistics I found about cruise crimes:
- 80% of crimes on cruise ships involve sexual assault
- Over 50% of reported crimes involve over-consumption of alcohol
- Theft is the second most common reported crime
- 90% of crime onboard involves passengers, not crew
Pharmacy Items in Mexico: Buyers Beware
From reading several cruise forums on cruising in Mexico, stocking up on pharmacy items seems a popular tourist pastime. With high healthcare costs, some cruisers see it as a way to save on prescription items. Unfortunately, what appears to be an innovative money-saving idea could have risks.
A report in the L.A. Times found worrying facts about prescription meds sold in Mexico. Some had traces of powerful banned substances, 62% were fake, and most came from unknown sources or labs. So, a cheap bottle of pills may not be worth the potential cost to your health.
Adult Entertainment on Cruises: What to Expect
Do you want to add some spice to your evening entertainment? If so, most cruise lines—including family-friendly ones—have adult shows. We’re talking R-rated comedy clubs, themed parties, and sultry cabaret shows. Nothing too risqué, just the type of shows adults appreciate more than kids.
And the good news is that you don’t have to worry about your tiny tots or tweens. Most ships arrange late-night babysitting until the wee hours.
Why not check out the ship’s nightly schedule for grown-ups? Whether it’s a raunchy comedy show, an 80s-themed dance night, or a glow-in-the-dark party, there are plenty of reasons to stay up when the sun goes down.
Related articles:
- Cruise Ship Rip-offs That Will Drain Your Wallet!
- Common Mistakes New Cruisers Make All the Time
- Top Cruise Loyalty Programs for Maximum Savings and Exclusive Perks
